Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dear Diary Gastric Bypasses and Kenny Rogers

'Scuse me I wanted a piece....
So last week at work was a co-workers birthday.  She had German chocolate cake, I couldn't resist.  And what better way to celebrate said birthday then eating cake and talking about Gastric Bypasses and Stomach Stapling.  ....( yeah insert colon slash emoticon face here) :/

Well as we all gathered around passing the cake ala Office Space, but unlike Milton I did get a piece(a small piece), Old Man Magoo (semi retired co-worker who is 175 years old that still comes into work despite being on death's door) commented that the Owner of the company better eat this cake while he can before his surgery.  Well that perked up everyone's ears...Surgery.  Well let me preface by saying the Owner, looks like Santie Claus, yeah he really does big ol belly and rosy red cheeks with a white beard.  I will call him Santie Claus for the remainder of this blog entry. So Santie Claus told us that he is thinking about doing gastric bypass surgery which used to be known as stomach stapling, to which I said didn't Kenny Rogers get that done (really what hasn't Kenny Rogers had done, he is a poster child for why not to do plastic surgery along with Joan Rivers).  Well apparently like Kenny, Santie knew when to fold them and decided to go the surgical route to lose weight.  He has struggled with his weight for years and thinks this is only his option.  Now as we are eating our cake he describes in detail what they will do to his stomach and yeah I wanted to throw up the cake and do some push ups right then and there.  Now here is the funny part though the surgery won't be covered by insurance unless he follows a nutrition plan for six months and loses weight first, seriously laughed out loud on that one because in my little head I was thinking okay if he could do that in the first place why would he be doing the surgery.  But then my boss quickly retorted the insurance sees this as like giving an alcoholic a new liver they want to make sure this works for you and you can stick to losing weight after the surgery, man that is so true.  They gotta make sure fatties lose the weight and keep it off since they are paying big bucks to sew up your stomach to the size of your thumb yeah seriously.  No wonder Star Jones drank her meals in shot glasses.  I know people are desperate to lose weight but why drastic surgery?  Are you that addicted to Whataburger and McDonalds that you would rather spend thousands on surgery then to give up those foods and eat better and exercise?  Santie Claus said this is his only viable option because what else can he do and of course the ass hat I am I responded in my smart tone "Diet and Exercise"

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dear Diary this is HILARIOUS (NSFW) Language

Dear Diary "My girl likes to Zumba all the time Zumba all the time..."

You know its good when you wear leather
Zumba all the tiiiime (to the tune of Party all the Time arranged by the genius Rick James sung by Eddie Murphy).  So a long long long long time ago Living Social had a coupon for 20 Zumba classes for $20 bucks I think I don't remember.  Anyways it was CHEAP.  So I thought what the heck I will buy this.  Well I avoided it like the plague, thinking no way this lady here, yeah me, my a** was too fat.  My friend Ouisa aka Celestitude had taken it and said it is a work out and you can't breaf very well.  We both have asthma (side note took a breathing test my lungs breath like 45 year old lungs AWESOME!)  Anyways then I did 2 Insanity workouts count them 2!  Have you done this, well if you are like me and Obese and Sedentary DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If you are like Jonathan who is overweight but can work out like a mad man by all means do it.  Seriously Shaun T can kiss my Big Mexican A**.  I knew I was in for something when the stick thin athletic girl was barely stumbling through the end of the workout DVD and she was as thin as a straw with maybe some boobs.  Seriously she fell flat on the ground and was like NO MORE SHAUN T and I am like WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Anyways so that made me think I am avoiding Zumba because its fast pace dancing and Insanity is fast pace cardio workouts and I was dying.  I was sure Jonathan would need a defibrillator to zap me back from the dead. ***Cue dramatic ER sequence and my John Dorian daydreaming  "CLEAR" Kachunk "CLEAR" Kachunk " We are not losing you on my watch Damn You, quick wave the cheese cake in her face"
Well on my mom's birthday besides the Facebooking my cousin Joey Jay was talking how she lost 10 lbs because her work is doing Biggest Loser Contest.  She realized she had to do it because our family is diabeetus central.  My mom was diagnosed at 38, that is less then 7 years away for yours truly.  So I realized okay yeah I am already pre-diabeetus and this is no bueno.  Joey Jay told me her secret was eating right, walking and ZUMBA!!!!!!  I thought whoa hold up really.  She said yup.  She loves it!  Well after my cleanse of Facebook and TV I realized maybe I should be doing something with my free time.  So 2 weeks ago I finally did it.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dear Diary Lazy Sunday on You Tube

This is not referring to the SNL short Lazy Sunday about Chronicles of Narnia, though that was an awesome video.  I am trying to get motivated to clean my house since it counts as working out so now I am jamming to some classics, Otis, Aretha, and Ray Charles.  So to my friends I ain't ashamed to say that a little movie introduced me to Otis and if you have not watched it for shame!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Dear Diary he took the words right out my dad's mouth...

I have another blog titled Mr. V's Journey and it was started to keep family updated on my dad's condition when he got into a terrible accident.  I posted on there a blog post from Derek K. Miller.  He wrote his last post as he was dying but he wrote it as if he were dead and what he wrote is exactly what I think my dad would have written had he had the chance.  So please click on the link below to read or go to my blog to read, his words resonate with me....

The Last Post

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dear Diary Adele rocks!

My friend Dahnya posted her new obsession with Adele and I love her too.  She is absolutely talented but it is sad people focus on her weight rather then her voice.  She is beautiful and happens to not be a size 2 FOR SHAME.  So decide for yourself, I posted a video of her singing on David Letterman (best cover of this song ever!)

The original version below

And its subtitled in Spanish so its a learning post too!  

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Dear Diary Oh Great Oprah tell me what to do...(Warning its Sappy and Introspective)

Oprah Winfrey the great
I started this blog to motivate me to be physically healthy but now I know I need to be mentally healthy too.  As most of you know I have had a series of unfortunate events happen.  I am trying to finally, FINALLY deal with them.  It has been hard this is not an easy journey and its one I hope you never have to experience.  I am glad I have an awesome family and some awesome friends who have been my support during all this.  Most of all I have had a great husband, I joke about him.  I tell people about his Fartello Dogs.  I tell people how he says he is going to fall through the crust of the earth at the rate he is going on gaining weight.  But he truly is great on being my loudest Dr. Phil cheerleader but he can't do this on his own during my dark times.  I think of Oprah during these times, yes I realize she is a billionaire whose greatest accomplishment is ugh EVERYTHING!  Oprah to me is someone who represents a woman who really went through a lot in her life and she succeeded.  I know its cheesy and people who know me, know that I am a hater but I cannot hate Oprah.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Dear Diary I am reverting back to good habits

I will beat you!!!!!
A long time ago back in 2000-2002, I was very fit and healthy.  Facebook was not even a zygote, Myspace was barely starting and I didn't have cable.  My roomies and I actually socialized and were busy studying too.  Now I am so distracted.  I realized my addiction when I was at my mom's 60th birthday party and I was Facebooking about it rather then participating.  I also realized my priority for TV when I was planning my life around Glee!  Seriously a television show and its not a good show in the sense of ground breaking drama its campy and fun but I can catch it on Hulu.  Jonathan and I talked.   How addicted I am to Facebook, he is to television.  He has no self control when he flips on the TV, like me when I logged into Facebook.  I couldn't stop.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Dear Diary Farewell Facebook

I am no longer on Facebook, I deactivated my account.  Maybe I will go back but for now I am done.  If you want to catch up with me, call me or email me.  This lady needs to concentrate on herself and be healthy mentally and physically.